Belt Buster

Having been in California for a few days now its hard not to start comparing it against Britain, especially when it comes to food and drink.  When did going for a coffee get so complicated?  At home in my native Surrey I only have to remember three things:  Size = grande  Type = cappuccino  Milk = skinny.  Even then the mental gymnastics of remembering this can send me doolally as I edge forward in the never-ending queue.  Everyone seems to be in a mad rush including the impatient Barista who flusters me with his withering stare when the time comes to place my order.  Several times I’ve come away with a full fat coffee as I’ve forgotten to say ‘skinny’ and I’m too British to correct my own mistake.

Not so in Newport Beach.  Here, double the choices you have by ten and relax; you don’t have to remember anything, the serving staff will do it all for you. 

‘With extra steam?’  What?  You can have extra steam?  What does that do?

‘With or without froth?’  That’s a choice?  I thought cappuccino was automatically frothy.

‘Any whip with that?’  I’d love whip; my hips wouldn’t. 

All with a smile and a ‘have a nice day’.  Gotta love that.

What is out of control here in the US is their portion control.  Everything comes with a side order of saturated fat, sugar or white carbohydrate.  Nothing is low calorie.  Even their salads are fat.  At a food court I ordered a Caesar salad and couldn’t see the lettuce for the massive spiral of dressing draped all over it.  I still ate it though; it was delicious. 

You don’t need to ask in a restaurant: ‘What’s good here?’  Everything is good.  But I have to say I do find it strange that they serve cake in the breadbasket.  I can’t imagine eating that with soup or shrimp cocktail.  But hey, JJ ate it.  Of course he did.  Heaven forbid he should risk eating anything vaguely resembling a vegetable. 

I do love the fact that there is a chain called Fat Burger.  It does exactly what it says on the tin.  Even their smallest burger is so choc-a-block with cheese, red meat, and relish it would probably block the arteries of a grizzly bear.  But oh my god they taste so good!  

What isn't so great is the bacon.  Its just strips of fat that curl up in the pan.  If you cut away the fat you're left with nought.  Fresh air with your lettuce and tomato.  Don't get me started on cheese either.  Its rubber squares that shine.  I don't even want to know how its made.

To counteract the hike in my daily calorie allowance I’ve devised a cunning plan: I’ve cut a whole meal out of my daily eating regime but even then I’m still convinced my calorific intake over-shoots a bad day’s eating in the UK.  How will my thighs weather the storm?  Who cares?  California dining is fun!